I Can Live Freely Now, the Shame is Gone…

Stigma. What a grumpy word. Its 16^th century Greek origin basically implies some sort of branding or mark. Our culture carelessly slings it around unconsciously and in silence, directing it at the innocent and the gravely misunderstood. Because Stigma is also of weak character, it hides behind, and then latches on to, other words and situations so it can create a more painful result. It gets most of its power from Ignorance and Judgment - two of its greatest allies - and it thrives when it can derail truth within large societal groups – what it calls ‘Norms.’ Stigma is hard to beat when it has such strong allies, but when it becomes separated from these ‘friends’, it loses its power to hurt and be mean. Additionally, Compassion and Understanding can offset its dominance; they stand up to that Bully.

Stigma has followed me around as long as I can remember. In the shadows of my childhood, it waited patiently to linger in and create an environment of great pain. My Mom’s mental illness provided a prime breeding ground, especially when it could come out and “play” with its cousins, Shame and Silence, who, together, created a trifecta dust storm of emotional anguish causing blindness to the path to a healthy and whole psyche. I was aShamed of my home life, of where I came from, of who I could become. I was Silenced because of the Shame and Ignorance surrounding mental illness at that time. Stigma kept me prisoner to a life of secrets and fear. Being seen felt too scary. Being heard felt even scarier. I ran to my social circles and sports teams to distract me from the agony at home, and to also shine a light away from the Terrible that was happening between the walls in my home. In many ways those outlets saved my life; in other ways, they prevented me from developing into my true self as I lived and developed via dual “lives”, two separate existences, both real and fake, all at once. My true feelings were blurred as they collided between my inner and outer worlds, continuously…..

As a grown woman, I have finally found my place within myself. As I hold Compassion and Understanding close, I am free to live authentically, feel more deeply. After working through my pain and listening to my own truthful narrative, Shame has retreated and Stigma does not scare me anymore; I finally found the inner strength and the voice to stand up to that Bully. Join me. Let’s spread Compassion and Understanding into our world, our communities, our families. Let’s deflate Ignorance and Judgment – let’s make them powerless. Let’s tell Stigma it can go to Hell; let’s give it something to really be grumpy about.